We (Ken and I) don't talk like sailors, why does Jacob think he can spew out such words? Now and then one slips out of our lips, but we really watch our language. To me, I have a huge problem with others swearing around me. Also I taught my kids that saying "God" is forbidden, unless it is in a positive way, praying, etc. Not to use Gods name in vein-however he continues to say "oh my God!!" when he is frustrated or even excited. Unhappily, Jake has remarked to me "screw you mom!", (it took all I had not to slap him silly), and says other colorful words that should not be said by children. Punishments have been handed down, however Jake continues with the bad words. A lot of the words he doesn't even understand, he just repeats them.
On the other side of the fence, when Jacob hears swearing, it clearly upsets him. He is distraught about it, and then has a hard time letting it go (talking about it repeatedly). He seems to catch every bad word from every direction too. Most of the time it was not directed at him, he's just a bystander or from TV show. "Mom, I just heard this person saying ____ and _____". It definitely effects him as he knows those words are wrong and objects to it.
My question is, why does HE use the bad language???? That puzzles me.
My anxiety - SOCIAL SITUATIONS
As time goes on and Jacob gets older , I'm afraid for him. He does not control the volume or tone of his voice and speaks louder than average. The other day 2 boys (probably 13 or so), were shirtless riding their bikes, one with a backwards baseball hat on and boxers hanging out of the waist band, were riding swiftly past us. "Oh- my- God, they look so cool.......(laughing). The boys looked back and I quickly shushed Jake's continuing words about the boys. After awhile Jacob continued with the remarks how they look "gangster, and so retarded..." loudly. I tried to explain to Jacob the reasons to why those remarks are not a good idea, but he just doesn't seem to understand what I was trying to tell him. He continued giggling and I could tell I was talking to a brick wall at this point. The other kids definitely heard his remarks, and I am so grateful they brushed it off. I could see the situation easily escalating. This is just one example of this type of behavior of his that has gotten worse. I am thinking it has come out more this summer because he is maturing and the whole puberty thing. He must be experimenting with words, etc.. Afterwards when we were at home, I tried to discuss with Jacob what had transpired. I gave an example and asked Jacob what would happen if the other kids were saying things about him, how would that make him feel and what might happen. But our conversation did not last too long before he was distracted onto something else, and I could not get through to him what I wanted him to hear. One learning opportunity gone.
How to get through to an asperger kid that words could cause serious and even a grave outcome for him? Learning lessons is tough for anyone, how long is it going to take for this one to sink in? And should I be blaming this one on the aspergers too (with the brain connections...)? Or is he just being hard headed and difficult (like my ex-husband, his dad-that's a whole other blog!)? I dread to think of him getting seriously injured or worse, because he did not hold back his words, pushing someones buttons and the situation turn physical. It certainly more socially unacceptable as he is getting older. If little kids say something rude or offensive, it is quickly dismissed, but what will happen when he gets to high school? Out on the school playground this year? Or riding his scooter around the block alone? Impossible however, I would wrap him up in a plastic SOUND PROOF bubble if I could to keep him out of trouble! Or how about a huge sign hanging from his neck saying : "I have Autism-Forgive me for what I say or what I do". Oh how I fear for him!! Do I have to keep him by my side forever or will he grow and mature enough to live out on his own in the world? I do worry about that even though he is only 11 years old now.
SCHOOL SITUATIONS, a huge area of concern for me. On the surface he is eager to play and wants to get involved with other kids. He is outgoing and does not have an ounce of shyness in him. How wonderful, right? Not to be shy as I was as a child. However, just after a short time with others, the honeymoon is over. No wonder why he has such trouble with others. Upon Jake's loud "opinions", his peers retaliate, then Jacob gets upset and a meltdown occurs, or the situation has manifested in his brain and caused him serious anxiety, including loss of sleep, or inability to function at school, etc.. He does not recognize what he had sad to make the others upset at him. He has lost respect of friends & classmates in the past for this. Jake wonders why. "Why don't they like me ma?" " Why does everyone hate me?" " Why do they pick on me? " Over and over and over, its a repetitive cycle. He just doesn't get it! He doesn't remember saying anything to the others. All he remembers is the consequences of the other children of name calling, or the other kid mad at him , etc. Will he ever get the whole picture? I do not believe he has an arrogant attitude, as I do not. I think I am a very humble person and reflect that around my children so I know he is not picking it up from me. I do believe there is some brain malfunction. However, not everyone knows and understands this. Again, that sign would sure be helpful!!
I will continue getting Jacob into social skills classes, hoping some of this will sink in. So far, he has gone through a few classes, but hasn't gotten anything out of them. Before this school year starts I will also talk to Jake's new teacher, and try to explain to the best of my ability my concerns. He will be going into a large school which they call Upper Elementary with 5th and 6th graders, of which he attended last year. I'm praying for a calm year!
WHAT TO DO?
What is the answer here? He is mainstreamed in school, but spends quite a bit of time, (at least 1/2 a day or more), getting academic help in a resource room. Which leads me to another huge question for me. Would it better for him to get him in another sort of classroom, where he is just around others with disabilities, or others just with Autism like an EI or AI room? Or perhaps a whole other school for Autistic kids like Burger in the area, so that others around him understand this and maybe handle him better, and in turn he would do better in school? Would the episodes not happen as frequently as they do now being in a large public school? Would home schooling be the best answer? We have already tried a private school with small class size but that did not work because of the closed-minded teachings leaving Jacob in an almost suicidal state I believe. His emotional evenness hinges on his academic day. If he is out of sorts and something bothering him, he is no good to the teachers and to accomplish anything. because of his inability to let things go. As small as a cut on his knee, a teacher that scolded him, or a student making a remark that wasn't even pertaining to him directly effects his whole day or can even turn into weeks of anxiety and nothing being accomplished at school.